Why so controversial? Recognizing and Addressing Domestic Violence Against Men

Domestic violence is often perceived as a crime exclusively perpetrated by men against women. This fact though has those in the field of advocacy for women, law, parliament, health care and wider society up in arms. Some state it does not happen whilst others demand complete focus on women only. It is a topic that generates so much division, hate and anger – something that those who propagate these myths who would cry abuse if it were said about them! While it's true that women are disproportionately affected, the reality is far more complex. Men, too, experience domestic abuse, often in silence due to societal stigma and a lack of readily available support. This article aims to shed light on this often-overlooked issue, exploring the reasons behind the resistance to acknowledging male victimhood, identifying the signs of abuse, outlining steps to leave an abusive relationship, and providing resources for male victims in the United Kingdom (UK)*.

*Meowzers - Love never hurts - it's purrfectly team building never selfish! I'm the domestic unity ginger cat telling people to never hurt the one they love - picture owned by Benjamin Thompson (2025)*

The definition

A young man sits on the floor in his bedroom crying and shielding his face, Copyright owned by www.domestic-violence-laws.com (2025)

Domestic abuse (DA) and domestic violence are the same thing. According to the British government domestic violence (DV) can be defined as:

Any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are or have been intimate partners or family members regardless of gender or sexuality. This can encompass but is not limited to the following types of abuse:

psychological
physical
sexual
financial
emotional
- domestic violence guidance (2012) click/tap here

Remember - you can be a survivor or just one or all of the actions above. However, it does not mean that one is worse than the other or deserves more attention than the other.

A few little stats

A man in a blue t-shirt is being slapped by a women. Owned by www.domestic-abuse-pictures.com (2021)

One of the strengths of the Crime Survey for England and Wales (CSEW) is that it covers many crimes that are not reported to the police and provides reliable estimates of domestic abuse.

Prevalence: The Crime Survey for England and Wales (CSEW) is a reliable source for estimating the prevalence of domestic abuse. The latest CSEW figures (year ending March 2023) show that an estimated 751,000 men aged 16 years and over experienced domestic abuse in the last year. This represents a prevalence rate of approximately 3.2% of men (ONS, 2024).
Lifetime experience: It's estimated that 1 in 7 men in the UK will experience some form of domestic abuse in their lifetime.
Underreporting: It's crucial to remember that these figures likely underestimate the true extent of the problem. Men may be particularly hesitant to report abuse due to societal stigma, fear of not being believed, or concerns about the impact on their children.
Variations in statistics: Different organizations may report slightly different figures due to variations in data collection methods and definitions of abuse. For example, some sources may focus on physical violence, while others include emotional abuse and coercive control.

Why the Resistance?

The reluctance to acknowledge domestic abuse against men stems from several factors. Traditional gender roles often paint men as the strong providers and protectors, making it difficult to reconcile this image with the vulnerability of being abused (Gillis, 2021). DV does not care about whether you are a women, man, LGBTQ+, old, young or non gendered - it can happen to any of us. Men themselves may be hesitant to come forward due to shame, fear of not being believed, or concern about the impact on their children. Furthermore, the focus on female victims in public discourse and support services can inadvertently marginalize male experiences, creating a perception that their suffering is less significant especially when the media and others portray these male survivors as weak or unmasculine (Dowd, 2025).

Key Signs of an Abusive Relationship (for Men and Women):

Domestic abuse is about having power and control over another person. It can manifest in various forms, regardless of gender or sex. While some of the specific tactics may differ, the underlying dynamics are often similar. Here are some key signs to watch for:

Physical Abuse: This includes any form of physical violence, such as hitting, kicking, shoving, grabbing, or restraining that tend to be hidden. Many will wear baggy clothing that covers the neck or hand etc., or will not go out until the bruising is hardly noticeable.
Emotional/Psychological Abuse: This involves tactics like constant criticism, belittling, name-calling, intimidation, threats, isolation from friends and family, and controlling behaviour ("no one will ever believe you" - "you are so stupid - you always get it wrong").
Financial Abuse: This can involve controlling access to money, withholding funds, sabotaging employment, or running up debt in the victim's name. You might have to pay your money into their bank account, have no access to funds or they may count the amount of cash that is given to you before and after shopping.
Sexual Abuse: This includes any unwanted sexual contact or activity, including pressure to engage in sexual acts, sexual coercion, and rape. And yes, you can be raped or sexually abused in a relationship. Consent is not given when married or in a civil relationship at the alter or registry office.
Coercive Control: This is a pattern of abusive behaviour designed to exert power and control over the victim, encompassing many of the above forms of abuse. It can include monitoring, gaslighting, and threats (phone tracking, a slow gradual increase in public displays of over the top attention or abusive talk).
It is important to note that any instance of abuse is totally unacceptable, and the presence of even one of the above signs is a cause for concern.

Leaving an Abusive Relationship:

Leaving an abusive relationship can be challenging for the survivor as many do not want to acknowledge that they are being abused due to the emotional pain, stigma and lies they have been told blaming them as the cause - in the end you start to believe that you are the problem not the perpetrator! It's crucial for the victim's safety and physical and mental well-being to seek help if safe to do so. Here are some steps to consider:

Prioritize Safety: Develop a safety plan that includes a safe place to go, a way to contact emergency services, and important documents. You may be able to tell a neighbour if you trust them or speak to your GP if you think it is safe to do so.
Gather Evidence: If possible, document instances of abuse by telling your doctor or saving threatening messages on your mobile phone.
Seek Support: Confide in a trusted friend, family member, or professional. There are websites and a helpline open 24/7 for men which do not leave details on your internet history or phone records and are free to use.
Contact the police: Dial 999 for urgent help. Remember to tell them that your life is in danger or if you have been starved, hit, sexually abused in some way or neglected. They can help you apply for an emergency injunction such as a Non-Molestation Order (NMO) to protect you. At the moment in the UK, there is a trial underway in a few courts in England (Croydon, Bromley etc.) providing a new protection order brought in this year (2025) called a DAPO or Domestic Abuse Protection Order (click/tap) similar to a NMO (click/tap). Police can also ask a court to issue a prevention order that is a criminal offence to break.

Help in the UK.

Although there are many national and local charitable organizations in the UK to offer support to only women survivors, their is only one national charity that supports only men. This charity is called ManKind - its details are listed at the end of the article. There are also charities that were set up in the UK to support female survivors but have since added male victims of domestic abuse too:

Men's Advice Line: This helpline provides confidential advice and support to men experiencing domestic abuse.
Respect: Respect provides a range of services for perpetrators and victims of domestic abuse, including helplines and online resources.
Victim Support: While not exclusively for men, Victim Support offers general support services for all victims of crime, including domestic abuse.
All contact details will be listed at the end of the article.

The Importance of Acknowledgment and Action

Recognizing and addressing domestic abuse against men is essential for creating a society where all victims, male or female, feel safe and supported. Breaking the silence surrounding this issue requires challenging traditional gender roles, myths, increasing awareness, and providing accessible resources for male victims. If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, please remember that help is available. You are not alone.

Key takeaways

Domestic abuse against men is a significant issue in the UK.
Hundreds of thousands of men experience abuse each year.
Men are less likely to report abuse than women.
More research is needed to fully understand the extent and nature of domestic abuse against men.

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, please remember that help is available. You can contact:

Men's Advice Line run by Respect FREE on 0808 802 5810 or visit https://mensadviceline.org.uk/

Mankind Initiative FREE on 0808 800 1170 or visit https://mankind.org.uk/

Refuge has limited services available for men - visit https://refuge.org.uk/support-for-men/

FOR LOCAL SERVICES - PLEASEW SEARCH YOUR PREFERED SEARCH ENGINE OR CALL INTO A LOCAL LIBRARY AND REGISTER TO USE ONE OF THERE COMPUTERS OR ASK STAFF. YOU CAN ALSO VISIT YOUR GP. REMEMBER - IF YOU FEEL YOUR LIFE IS IN DANGER CALL 999 OR 112 IN THE UK AND ASK FOR THE POLICE. YOU CAN ALSO HOLD THE NUMBER 5 BUTTON DOWN TO CONTECT TO THE POLICE. YOU CAN ALSO CALL 999 AND ASK FOR AN URGENT PIZZA DELIVERY. YOU WILL BE ASKED YES OR NO QUESTIONS.

Note: This article provides general information. It is crucial to consult with professionals for personalized advice and support. The information provided here is not a substitute for professional help. If you are in immediate danger, please call emergency services. While efforts have been made to cite relevant research, this blog post format may not always allow for formal academic referencing. Readers are encouraged to consult resources from the mentioned organizations and conduct further research on the topic. It's difficult to give an exact number of men abused in the UK, as domestic abuse is underreported, and statistics can vary depending on the source and how abuse is defined.

*Although this article talks about it from the perspective of the UK, domestic violence has the same basic characteristics the world over. Google or your preferred search engine will help you find local services. However a word of warning – check in your country if it is illegal to talk about this subject before searching out information or leaving the abusive relationship FIRST!